My Saving Grace

by Kale

“I’m only human and that’s my saving grace.” Words from a song from One Tree Hill. But the idea does not work for me as I don’t consider my humanity to be my saving grace for I have come to believe that my humanity is my weakness. It is this trait of being human that makes me dual in nature. It is this duality that makes me capable of both good and evil, of light and of shade, of the yin and the yang. Which makes the desire to be an agent of the light become a never-ending battle with the other part of me that keeps pulling me to the dark. It is a part of me which cannot be denied.

The same thing applies for people who live with the dark. The dominance of the darkness in their hearts does not erase the fact that the light lives on in them. However much a person is shrouded in darkness, the light continues to burn in them and the decision to ignore this light could have only come from themselves.

This chance to decide is the only saving grace of being human. The power of free will, the chance to choose, the capability to decide. For without it, we become merely slaves of the tides. We go with the motions and we can’t do anything about it because we are on a leash. The puppetmaster exists and he alone controls everything. Of course, if we are but mindless dummies, we would never mind our condition, however miserable it might be.

One may believe in destiny. Some so fervently believe that they forget everything else and think that everything has been predestined, decided, fixed and that the course of their lives is something which is entirely out of their control. Something they don’t have a hold on. Something which they can only go with and not alter. This is again another reason why being human can never be my saving grace. Humans are prone to lethargy. A lethargy that makes a lot of people fail at everything and not achieve anything at all believing that it has been decided that things are to be so for them.

If anything, my acknowledgement of being an imperfect creature is my saving grace. I know that I am imperfect but I also know that I can be better. Perfection is but an illusion created by the worldliness of the way humans have lived for so long a time. Being better everyday is enough. Pursuing perfection is but a goose chase in this life. A chase that makes people who go for it become frustrated, depressed, insecure. They think that their ideals, however unseemly they may seem, are the hallmarks of being. On the occasion that they realize that they can never be their ideals, they break down and lose everything.

Acknowledging the fact that one is an imperfect creature which can be improved but never perfected keeps one within the bounds of reality. This keeps one from getting outlandish. This keeps one’s eyes on the right prize. This life is not where we can be perfect ones. We can be. Just not now. It is not yet time for such things to happen.

I am imperfect and that is my saving grace.