Looking at Fear

by Kale

Maybe I’m afraid. Afraid of a lot of different things. Maybe the idea of moving forward scares me that I subconsciously keep myself rooted to where I am. Maybe it’s that uncertainty of the future that makes me stay.

I used to say that being afraid and being scared are two entirely different things. I understood it back then. I had a really good argument back then. It made a lot of sense back then. Now, I don’t remember. I don’t remember how I understood it. I don’t remember my argument. I don’t remember the sense.

Somehow, they have come together, have become one. But, of course, when things that used to be different ideas become one, it suggests a mind that is losing creativity. A mind that used to be able to see different things in one. A mind that used to be able to see one thing as if from a kaleidoscope of various perspectives. A mind capable of making seen that which is unseen.

But perhaps it isn’t so. Perhaps them becoming one idea is a good thing. Perhaps it means that I am finally able to acknowledge that both the feeling of being afraid and of being scared have a single, unanimous object: fear.

Acknowledging the existence of fear gives one the power to overcome it, to defeat it, to control it. When one denies it, pretends that it doesn’t exist, tells oneself that it is but an evanescent thought, everything only turns to worse as all of one’s faculties will be spent on the denial instead of the more productive action of mastering it.

Fear, left unacknowledged, slowly creeps into one’s being until one is consumed by it and becomes but a slave. A slave who doesn’t have the power to become whatever one must be because of the walls, chains, and cuffs that fear has imprisoned the slave with. A slave who can only cry for help but will find the effort futile because no one else is around to listen. A slave who can only wait for his ruin.

So, the only way around this is to confront fear right in its core. To wage war against it and conquer it. To strike at its heart and subdue it. To tear it down and vanquish it.

Now, one question remains: how does one find the centre?