Pondering My Inabilities

by Kale

“I always forget the most important things,” I said to myself after watching an episode of Honey and Clover. Then I asked, “What are the most important things anyway?”

For quite some time now, I’ve been reprimanding myself for being unable to be better than what I was yesterday. One day, I promise myself I would be better. The next day, I forget about it and drift back to the random distractions that always come my way. I am never able to take better control of myself. I am still in yesterday.

Another day comes and something will jolt me right back to what I promised myself. But time has already passed like the mist that you can never hold on to. And I go back to yesterday. But it is only me who went back to yesterday. Not anyone else. Not the rest of the world. Just me. Time waits for no one and it continues to elude us, to keep from capture, to make us chase after it like the horizon that you can never reach no matter what deep ocean you find yourself in.

It’s a cycle that I can’t seem able to break away from. A cycle that, if unbroken, will leave me stuck in a corner of yesterday while the universe races forward away from that history. The things that must be tied together are left undone. The things that must be kept are gradually being thrown away. The things that must be found are still lost.

But of all the things undone, of all the things thrown away, of all the things lost, what are the most important things? As I think about it, I realized, it’s not about “what are” but “what is”. The most important thing is now. And that I should never forget that it is. So that, in the morning, when I wake up, I can tell myself, “Open up, it’s a brand new day!”